Barney had just finished mowing his lawn. He was chugging some ice water when his next-door neighbor Oliver walked over. "Now Barney, don�t take offense, but would you mind wearing a shirt when you mow your lawn? My wife says you look like a big fat redneck out here. She hates looking out the window and seeing you half-naked." Oliver, oblivious to his own faults, had been complaining about Barney's faults for the last ten years. Barney said, "Well, first of all, I look like a big fat redneck because I am a big fat redneck. Second, does Neighborhood Watch now have an Apparel Patrol? How about if the next time I see you in your yard wearing that ugly yellow jersey, I ask you to burn it? Third, who's forcing your wife to gawk at me? Maybe for her birthday you could buy her a nice set of curtains."