844. Drunken Vegans: Where's The Beef?!


844. Clarence said to his wife, "Listen to this. Forty percent of vegetarians admit that, when they're drunk, their favorite food is fried chicken, barbecued wings, or hamburgers. I knew it! They're all pretenders. When they're sober, they order organic kale rinsed in arctic spring water. They'll spice up their kale salad with a dash of sea salt. They order a gluten‐free cracker on the side. For dessert, they'll have a fair trade, brown‐sugar cube, which they spear with a toothpick from a responsibly managed forest. Then they finish their 'dinner' by complaining about how many calories they just consumed. But look out; when they get drunk, they head straight to the meatpacking district! Roast beef, shish kebab, and Swedish meatballs. What a bunch of phony baloneys. Meat eaters aren't like that; meat is in our bones. When we get drunk, you'll never see us ordering a plateful of carrot sticks." 5.1

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